Growth & Grace

Wesley Knight 0:00
This is a KU NB studios original program. The following program is underwritten by Crawford management group and Chris glow and does not reflect the views or opinions of 91.5 jazz and Moore the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, or the Board of Regents of the Nevada System of Higher Education even better than I was the last time. Baby

Leaha Crawford 0:35
we back and we back and we back and we back and we back. Do, hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm good. I ate a good Thanksgiving I did. I ate a good Thanksgiving dinner. It was good. It's Saturday, you know. I did some things on Black Friday. I am I studied this week. I did some other stuff, and I am okay that the Eagles lost to Dallas. I'm okay. Didi, you hear me? I'm DD. I know. I've been getting all kinds of crazy emails of text message.

Julian Rosado 1:09
I wasn't just a loss, though. You know, man,

Leaha Crawford 1:13
let me say that was

Julian Rosado 1:14
eagles were packed up. They were ready to go. They were ready. They had the stewardess heading out wine, you know, let me say this. That was, that was warm towels on their feet. That was a good game.

Leaha Crawford 1:28
That was a good game. Down to the end, I was like, go to overtime. Go to overtime. No overtime for us all right. But we play the bears. We played the bears. Yeah, and yeah. So yeah, but I'm still on the Cowboys. Yeah, I'm still on the Cowboys. What I can say is, but that

Julian Rosado 1:46
wasn't like, kind of like he threw two, like, two on they had two defenders on TD lamb and the other

Leaha Crawford 1:54
so you did watch the game? Yeah, you know, I thought you were watching basketball. I thought you were watching

Julian Rosado 2:00
Eagles and Cowboys. Eagles and Cowboys? Yeah, everybody in Vegas watching, nobody watch.

Leaha Crawford 2:07
No radio, but the Raiders played the browns, though. So I had a few friends that were in the game. Yeah, they were at the game, and they're Cowboys fans, and they caught the end of the game. I was like, yeah. All right, okay, yeah, you caught the end the best part of the game. All right? For them, yeah, even for them, all right. So today, y'all we have a very special guest, I guess, to follow up after Tracy, because, you know, I'm still talking about productive conflict, and I hope that you had a good Thanksgiving, and you were able to use some of the skills that Tracy talked about last week. But today we're going to talk about the mindset framework, and we have the author, Sally Allen, in the studio. Good morning.

Sally Allen 2:47
Sally, good morning. It's so good to be here. Thank you. It's cold,

Leaha Crawford 2:51
though it's cold, it's cold outside. Now, can I tell y'all she has on these cute shoes, right? I love these shoes. They are just adorable. I can't wait to get him here. So Sally, Sally Sally, talk to us. First of all, who are you? Who who is Sally Allen, who is Sally Allen?

Sally Allen 3:10
Let's see I changed the way I introduced myself. Okay, come on, yeah, because I feel knowing me, who I who I am. Now you have to understand where I came from. Okay, well, let's go. Where did you come from? I came from South America, a little country called Guyana, about 30 something years ago through an arranged marriage, arranged, okay, yeah, it was very abusive, and so I ran away from that marriage. But the key to that was I had no self esteem. I couldn't even look people in the eye. I was terrified of men. Had to do with my culture, we're very submissive as women, okay? And so I had to work really hard to build myself to who I am today. Let me

Leaha Crawford 3:57
tell y'all, she is absolutely gorgeous, though. Y'all, I mean, y'all, can't see her in the studio, but she is a beautiful woman, and she said 30 years ago, so she had to get married at two, because she had she doesn't look no older than 32 but she's absolutely, absolutely beautiful. No, she's right. She had to be too when she got married. You know how you arrange a marriage for a two year old? But go ahead. No, she's absolutely that was my baby. You Baby, right? No, she is funny. She is, no, she's, she's beautiful, she's, she's a beautiful woman. Go ahead,

Sally Allen 4:29
all right, I put it on social media so I can see it here. On Saturday, I turned 53 what? Right?

Julian Rosado 4:39
I thought she was a student when I was looking for another lobby that's not

Leaha Crawford 4:45
her So Sally and I met at a conference, a woman's lead, the woman's Leadership Conference. You know, we were volunteering, and we just hit it off immediately. And I thought it was imperative to bring her on a show. Little did I know that she had this. Book. So, all right, tell us more arranged marriage. You you get away from the arranged marriage, you have low self esteem. Where do you go from there?

Sally Allen 5:08
So I think that's what inspired my book. Because I had to learn to build self esteem. I had to learn to build courage. The act of running away was the biggest thing that I've ever done, right? And I got that I was lying on the floor being strangled, and I had my first resilient thought. My four year old came to save me, and he was thrown across the room, and that's where I got my first resilient thought, like this little boy should not be protecting me, and I'm going to run away. And so that's where my journey started, the running away, the resilient thought. First, the running away that all led up to I started noticing I am not able to look people in the eye when I speak to them. I literally didn't have a voice. I remember a manager screaming at me, you have to project. I can't hear you. I'm like, But Jack, what do you mean? It's like you have a voice. Use your voice.

Leaha Crawford 6:06
So like when people mumble, yeah,

Sally Allen 6:08
that was me, yes, and my head was always down. And you know, Leah, I still sometimes walk with my head down, and I have to remember to pick it up. Like you're not that person anymore, because after so many years, literally having my head down, wow, I have to remember to pick it up when I walk, see, and

Leaha Crawford 6:25
that's funny, because I put my head down because I'm clumsy, I might trip. No, I walk with my and I have to catch myself. But in conversation, I guess again, culturally, really never always been able to look people in the eye teachers eye to eye contact. But that was something that was taught. You don't look away, you you face it. Because the best way, the way, the best way to get through something is through it. That's right, just look up and get through it. And yeah, so go ahead. Oh, wow. So okay, so you had to learn how your voice. How was that process?

Sally Allen 7:01
So I worked at a bank, and there was a four inch thick glass and I have a lot of customers that come in, and I had to, every day, I would look up at a customer for one second and look down, and then two seconds and look down. And after two years, I realized I'm looking at a customer and I'm actually having a conversation, but it's what I call the compound effect in my book. It's something you build over time. It's every single day. Micro steps lead to macro results. And that's what I did every single day. And I realized, man, if I can do that, I can do so much more. And I started changing my mindset without even realizing I was doing it right. And I started incorporating these habits, new habits, new things, stepping out into bravery, changing how I think I'm no longer a victim. My brain wants to keep me there though, you know

Leaha Crawford 7:58
i But let me ask you this though, because when you when those victim thoughts come up, because at first, you can't identify them. You don't see them as you know, because that's your that's your mindset, that's all I know. Right? How did you change what you knew so that you can identify the victim thoughts?

Sally Allen 8:16
Yes, it was who I was versus who I am and who I'm becoming. Yeah, and I had to tell my brain, literally, I had to treat it like a different person, like I'm two people right now. You want to tell me that I can't step out and do this like one of the things I had to do when I was still in the arranged marriage was lie that I was working late and actually going to school I wasn't allowed to go to college. Was go to school and learn some computer classes because I didn't want to work at a store anymore, and so my brain wants to keep me safe and say, Are you kidding? This is what you should be doing. Are you kidding? You can't step out there like you don't know how to do that.

Leaha Crawford 8:58
And that's funny, because I call it same concept different, because it's, I call it shadow work. I love it shadow work. And what shadow work does is make you address that side of you, because the other side is, what was the thought protecting you from? That's right, it's protect it's, it's, or seemingly protecting you

Sally Allen 9:18
from, yes, yeah, and it's, it's protecting me from if someone, if they find out, he's gonna kill you, he's gonna beat you, this is gonna happen. So I want to keep you safe. Don't go there. Don't do that. Other people

Leaha Crawford 9:30
might look at it. Remember back in the day when they had the good angel and a bad age one time, you know you shouldn't do that, because other one is like, no, go. Do be and, right? So, same, same, I mean, same concept, but just different ways, right?

Sally Allen 9:44
Yeah, and it's the constant telling myself I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna do it. And I did, I keep stepping out. Now, here's one thing I learned, because as human a lot of times, we have a hard time doing things for ourselves, and some. Times we have to do it for that other person, like I was doing all this for my child, but

Leaha Crawford 10:06
stay on that. Hi. This is, this is Leah Crawford. You are listening to growth and grace. I'm Leah Crawford. This is Julian Rosado, and we are talking to Sally Allen, and you hit on a topic, doing it for somebody else. Sometimes that's the motivation.

Sally Allen 10:20
That's right, and it's okay, okay? It's okay that you do it for somebody else until you're able to do it for yourself, right? It's okay Julian and Leah, that you borrow other people's beliefs also, until you can believe in yourself, until you can believe in yourself, yeah, and some people think I don't have the strength, and it's totally okay. I'm gonna borrow your belief. I tell my clients this all the time. As a coach, you borrow my belief. I believe in you. I believe you can do this until you can go out and do it for yourself. And that's what I did. I borrowed that. I took that strength from my son. I gotta provide for this child, and I gotta do better, and I have to run away. This was my planning to run away, going to computer school, learning these new skill sets so I can get a better job, to make more money, to do what I needed to do for him. I would have never done that for myself, right?

Leaha Crawford 11:16
Yeah, I love it. I love it. So the mindset framework, so you have your story. Of course, there's some pain, right? Some pain, because sometimes pain is the best teacher. Yes, sometimes pain is the best teacher. And you take that pain, well, you take those lemons and you turned it into lemonade. So then what happens?

Sally Allen 11:36
Did you read my book there? There is a chapter that's called lemonade?

Leaha Crawford 11:41
No, I know, and honestly, I wish I can, you know I did. You handed it to me when we first came in. So, no, I so probably just a little bit more about me. No, no, seriously, I have been working on me for about 20 years, right? And when you identify that you need to do the work, and then, you know, stuff pops up and you like, Okay, I gotta work on that too. Okay, got it? Okay, let's cry, because let's get through this. All right. Let's do that. All right. And but what I also know is that when a student is ready, the teacher will appear. I say that all the time, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. And as you have to be ready for the lesson, yes, and a blessing.

Sally Allen 12:22
Oh, totally, totally, I like what you said. You've been working on yourself for the past 20 years. That's a work in process. It is. I find that it's constantly growing. I say this to people, they're like, Man, I just felt like I lost my self confidence because I'm doing this thing that's so much bigger than anything I've ever done. And I always say this, you've not lost your self confidence. You see you are here. I actually have my hands up right now, and I'm showing a level. And what happens is you've got a bigger goal and a bigger task, and so you haven't lose your confidence. You've just built it right here. And with every level comes a different devil.

Leaha Crawford 13:02
Every level comes a different Yep, yes, it does. But the thing about it is, is that it's like in school, in first grade, you learn some things, right? And you build to get to the second grade, then you build to get to third grade, then you build to get to the fourth grade. Because a first grader necessarily can't do the work of a 12th grader, but you have to go, and sometimes it's the steps, and some people get stuck on steps, and that's okay, because it's, it's like, where are you? Do you all for me, I always have a growth mindset, so I'm always learning and growing. And I'm like, Oh, I didn't think about that.

Sally Allen 13:36
Hmm, that's why I like you. I know that's why we connected. Yeah, that's why. Because, I mean,

Leaha Crawford 13:39
because we were sitting, we were sitting, oh, we had a ball backstage. We had a ball. Oh, we had a ball. We had we did. We conducted on a deeper level, yeah, we did. We did. So with this, with your client base, what do you see to be consistent across like, what? What is the common thing that people struggle with? Is it being vulnerable? Is it the fear of judgment? Is it the self confidence? Is it the conflicting self talk? What do you see as like, consistent amongst people?

Sally Allen 14:11
So I think the foundation of what I see is the lack of confidence. Because with the lack of confidence came everything else you just said, which is the being vulnerable, which is the stories we made up. I have a whole chapter in my book about the stories we make up. We're so good at making up stories, someone gave us a side eye, and we're like, she hates me, and it

Julian Rosado 14:35
comes a reality. Yeah, yeah.

Sally Allen 14:38
So true, yeah, because it becomes your truth,

Julian Rosado 14:41
yeah, and then when someone tries to tell you, like, no, it actually happened that way? No, you're lying.

Leaha Crawford 14:51
But, but has that ever happened when it's the type thing whereas, because I know I'm direct, if I'll say it to you, if I said it about you, I'll say it to you, and. With that directness, though, comes a little bit of accountability, because some people sometimes get offended, and I well, you're offended that don't bother me. That's when you but what you can get when you deal with me, I'm not. You don't you don't have to guess where I'm coming from. And I guess, with a lot of people, sometimes you have to guess where they're coming from, and those are very complicated people for me to deal with, and that's something I've been working on for a good three years now. Easy.

Sally Allen 15:23
Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up. I was with a client yesterday and and she said, I say what's on my mind, Sally, but I get in trouble. You got to teach me to pause. And that's the first. It's a move to pause here in my book, it's the first. The mindset is actually the word of framework. I took it in a play on mindset, and the first one is move to pause. M And what I said was, I love that people like you, you know where you stand with them. But the key to that is there's a way to deliver things I

Leaha Crawford 15:54
agree, and I had to learn that, because the pregnant pause became one of my friends. The pregnant pause became one of my friends and but what I learned is, because somebody was trying to tell me that women are more emotional than men, and I was like, no, let's look it up. Let's see what the studies say. And when we did it, I don't think so. Movie, well, no, no, but no, no, dig. And this is, this is, this is scientific. And when we were looking at it, and it was like, when you hear something. Have you ever noticed that sometimes, when people are talking and they want to get the shock out of somebody, they'll tell them something for the first time, and you get their true reaction, okay, right? And I was like, Well, why is that? And they were like, because when you hear something, it hits your emotional your limbic system first, so you get the emotional reaction before it gets to the logical part of your brain to break it down. And a lot of people basically pause, if you watch some people that pause strategically because they need a chance to think it through. Like some people have developed a game face, and I'm still working on my game face, this game face where you really can't tell what they're thinking. So you can't tell if what you said emotionally, you know, impacted them. And I was like, wow. And somebody told me, I was like, how you do that? So I've been working for years in the mirror, like, what's the game face? Because it needs to be fun, right? Like, when you say something crazy, I'm like, huh? Is she reacting? No. And I'm thinking, I'm curated. Say some things to you that you won't believe. But guess what? I see my game face, yeah, let me see. Wow. Okay, oh man, okay, got it.

Sally Allen 17:30
But inside it's, I think about the Gremlins running through my head.

Leaha Crawford 17:35
Like, what I'm learning is that it needs to be, it actually needs to be. It's almost like a smile on most game faces. Yeah, it's, you know, it's like, all right, I

Sally Allen 17:46
don't even raise an eyebrow. You did raise eyebrow though I saw that, yeah, but I had, I was sitting in front of somebody who told me something so ridiculous I shouldn't say it. They might hear it, but it was one of those things where your jaw will drop. I like, it costs what to do, what? And I just sit there and but inside I was going crazy. I'm like, How does this cost $46,000 when I know it's only $2,000 hmm?

Leaha Crawford 18:16
And see, the thing is, is that when you Yeah, no, this, no, that's, that's, that's really heavy, because just effectively communicating. And how do we do that? Because I can say the same thing to you five different ways for you to get the message and see, I had to sometimes now, when I pause, I got to think of those five different ways, because now, depending on the relationship, will determine which way I choose. Right, right? You know, some family members, they don't get the pregnant pause. They get the snap reaction. But other people, you know, I take the time to really sit down and think about

Julian Rosado 18:52
I think it's just really well, what

Leaha Crawford 18:54
I Julian doesn't get all five Julian. Julian gets the first reaction.

Julian Rosado 18:58
I get it just based off of perspective. I try to understand people's perspectives before, you know, flipping out the window or going on there, because people are saying, like, Well, I never see you get mad. Like, never, ever see you. Like, really get mad. Like, like, but I understand people's perspective. I understand, like, where you're coming from, why you're angry, or why what's going on. And then I can say, well, it's, it's not really about me, or is it? Or it's like, what's, what's really, really bothering them. And so when you were able to really see that, you're able to kind of for flow by Do you know what I mean?

Sally Allen 19:35
That's good. I one of the things, Liam like you, I used to get emotionally hijacked all the time, because when you say something to me, or something happens, my brain goes haywire to a point where I can't think anymore and I react,

Leaha Crawford 19:51
and you got you have to stop that, but real quick though, you're listening to growth and grace. I am. Leah Crawford, this is Julian result, and we have Sally Allen on here, and she's talking about her emotional. Action, I understand. I totally know I get it, because it's, that is an amazing example. That is an amazing example. Hi, Jack, yeah. I hope he's listening, yeah, yeah. I hope when his son's tells him, yep, Julian said it, and Leah totally agrees. You can play that back, go ahead, but honestly, but I think sometimes it is when you have to look at yourself in the mirror and do a mirror work and really understanding who you are. Because people that do have those emotional reactions like that, I don't do well with them. I don't because I sit in it, because I know, because you can get emotional. Okay, what you gonna do? Let me see what you gonna do. And you have sometimes to watch, because you don't know how far somebody will go when they act emotional like that. And that's when you get into a lot of the things that happen. Because when you act out of that emotion, you know, you got people shooting up stuff. You got, I mean, just different things happening. You know, very rarely, is it a positive impact when you're acting emotionally, especially with negative emotions.

Sally Allen 21:13
Now, that comes from a place of trigger, yeah, I agree, yeah. It comes from a place that we're being triggered by something that happened in our past. And so when we do the pregnant pauses, I like the way you put it, we actually give our brain time to say, Wait a minute. I get to process this the way I want to, yeah, because

Leaha Crawford 21:37
sometimes I need more than a pregnant pause. I need a childhood pause, like from zero to 18 I need all the time. No, no, sometimes, yeah, no, because

Sally Allen 21:46
it's really, why am I reacting so visceral on this?

Leaha Crawford 21:50
Why am I every well, why are my thoughts so visceral on this? Yeah, why am I thinking about all the things that I can when I really want to be in a place of love that's right, in a place of grace, that's right, and a place of giving. Why am I, you know? Why am I thinking all these thoughts about, gee, I'm not gonna say anything. I'm just gonna be quiet. You know what? I'm gonna write some stuff down, because I need to journal and work this out.

Sally Allen 22:11
But I'll tell you why we do that. Okay? We do that because scientifically, I do research on this. I'm not a psychologist, I'm not a psychologist, but I did some research on this, and the brain can't tell the difference between fiction and reality. No, it cannot. So whatever you tell the brain is what it believes, but

Leaha Crawford 22:34
doesn't that go to whatever you tell yourself is true. That's right. If you tell yourself that you're amazing, then you'll be amazing, but if you tell your if you have negative self talk, then that's what your brain believes. Guess what? It's going to comply.

Sally Allen 22:46
It is going to comply. Like when you watch a movie, you know that dog did not die in a movie, but you're crying there like a baby. I cry, I sob, I have ugly cry, but still, it's my brain thing the dog, the dog really died because he can't tell the difference, but

Leaha Crawford 23:00
you want to and that's what I remember, watching some things and then having those conversations about just all the things that were going on in society. And I'm like, yo, this is not a movie that some of these things are terminal and you need to be careful with your actions and behavior. That's right, because in the movie, the dog gonna get back up.

Sally Allen 23:17
That's right. In society, it's not the case. It's not

Leaha Crawford 23:20
always the case. So you know, how do we teach love and kindness and respect and just all the things

Sally Allen 23:28
we have to start with ourself first, I agree, we master our mindset first data, if you master your mindset, and I say this, and I'm working on it, and I'm constantly working on it is that people won't have power over you. Julian sounds like he's there, but people won't have power over you.

Leaha Crawford 23:51
Go ahead. No, no, I was gonna say, look here. Www, dot Sally Allen coaching.com www, dot Sally Allen coaching.com

Leaha Crawford 24:13
and her email address is Sally at Sally Allen coaching calm. And that's Sally at Sally Allen coaching calm. And if you want to hear this playback because you missed it, you can get us on Spotify, Apple, Amazon, Pocket Cast podcast, attic, Deezer, player, FM, and the list goes on. But I am going to keep on saying that, because we have some amazing shows that if you really want to hear, you know, hear it again, something that that we said, ignited something in you. You can go back and you can listen as many times as you want to, and we appreciate, we appreciate everyone that's listening to us this morning, but Sally, go back to that. Oh yeah, that's a good one. You forgot it. Yep, yep. Positive mindset. So you were mastering your own mind.

Leaha Crawford 25:08
Basically, you were talking about mastering your mind, and how when you tell yourself something, it is the truth, yes.

Sally Allen 25:15
And I was saying, I remember now because I was looking at Julian and say, it sounds like you did. You're doing this. Goddamn, you're

Julian Rosado 25:22
good. Leah, Jesus, yeah. My gosh, she's

Julian Rosado 25:24
an elephant brain. My goodness,

Julian Rosado 25:27
I'm like, yeah, like, if the world ends, we got a car. You gotta call

Leaha Crawford 25:31
her man, the world ends, I'm not gonna lie. And this is so terminal, and people talk about this all the time. If the world is what, where would you want to be? Lee's house.

Leaha Crawford 25:49
Nobody else. Well, you want to know what I'm calling. I know who I'm calling, so you coming with me to where I'm going, because I got a place I'm going. But I can tell you that though no mindset is everything, but mindset is everything. So let me ask sometimes it's environment too, and we didn't get a chance to touch on that yes, and we didn't get a chance to talk about your your conference that's coming up, because we only have a few more minutes. Okay, let's flip to the conference. You have the mindset conference for her on January 16. January 16, it's in Summerlin. Yes, I was here locally. And talk real quickly. You got two minutes tell us about this conference.

Sally Allen 26:24
So I did a conference this past January. It's my first leadership conference, and I got over 100 leaders across the valley that attended, and it really inspired me. So with this book coming out just a few weeks ago, I thought, man, wouldn't it be awesome to get these leaders again? We're almost full, but to get more leaders to come learn about mindset, learn about how it could impact them, but impact the teams that they're leading, building the self confidence to the question that you asked me, a lot of leaders struggle with self confidence, especially middle managers. A lot of leaders struggle with. They know how to lead the processes, but they don't know how to lead people, yes, but, but that's what that that will be about. We will have some great speakers from Open Table, from Allegiant Air, private eye is my friend, owns that company, but, but there's be so many impactful, incredible speakers, who's done the hard things, been down in the dumps, came back up, changed their mindset, and are making something out of self.

Leaha Crawford 27:29
And the book is the mindset framework, that's right. So, the mindset framework and, yeah, so I love it, the mindset framework and, and it's as it sounds, am I the mindset framework? And it actually is a whole book on how to rewire your thinking, to inspire, empower and cultivate a high performing team, or basically, keep it simple, you can work on this. This is for you. That's right. It's an inside job. So you got to get the work done. That's right.

Sally Allen 27:55
What I always say is, if you master your mindset, you master your life,

Leaha Crawford 27:59
you master your life. And with that, Sally, I want to say thank you. Thank you for coming on the show. Thank you. We got to bring you back on because we got to continue this conversation. Most definitely, and your podcast. Where's your where can we find your podcast?

Sally Allen 28:13
You can find my podcast the mindset, the mindset podcast on Spotify, on YouTube, and on all the platforms, where

Leaha Crawford 28:20
a lot of platforms All right, so I love it. I love it. So, Julian, how we doing this week? You good? You watching basketball, you watching football,

Julian Rosado 28:30
watching the of course, I'm watching the Lakers. I think they play the Blazers,

Leaha Crawford 28:35
okay, all right. He always watching something. All right, so until next week, y'all, y'all have a you know, I hope your holiday season is going amazing. It's time to put those Christmas decorations up. I'm so excited. You got to come help me pull the stuff out. All right, happy, happy holiday season to everyone. We will see you next week. Peace and blessings. Bye. You.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai